Should I say sorry...?

I’m sorry for thinking of you so very much
always missing your touch
being so mad about you.

I’m sorry of being so immature,

pen speaking for heart

now that can’t be cured.
I’m sorry of being myself,
that I’ve failed.

I’m sorry and sorry again
I’m sorry of being insane
But believe me that I love you
Should I say sorry for that too? 


Even thou at times I do things that hurt,
I try so hard to hope that you always see,
How much you being in my life means to me,

I am sorry yet again for causing you pain,
I dont wanna see myself in disdain,

Even when I am trying to look out for you and do the right thing
I mess up, I am sorry for that too.
I hope that you still know how much I cherish you,
Like nothing else in my life gives me the trill of being loved by you.


hence I hope you to understand my plea,
and revert back in glee,
making me glide like a feather to flee...

Someone Wrote.......

Someone Wrote….

The day I was wistful, and someone dear to me wrote this.

“May be you think my world is different from urs…

But do you know the different letters only make a word beautiful.

Same things always create mess. I think this time you don’t have to guess…

Wish I get the wings of every bird, as I wanna show you what is there in my world.

As I wanna make you what is right, what is useless…

So this time things are neither much nor less,

So just go ahead man…

This world is waiting for you …”

                                                                                             

                                                                              

Gratitude in my words…

Cant deny the fact – “your world is diff”, neither that “different letters only make a beautiful word”, nor that I would be lucky to fly with you, in your world, exploring a better world out there.

I reckon…. I trust you blindly and this time won’t be doing any guessing.

Love to try getting blindfold… following you, handing over you the string of mine for the first time…hoping you handle me well, not letting me baulk or falter.

U won’t let me na…?

I wish, pray, you get wings, flying high nd going where ever you want, surpassing limits.

I believe, in your hands I will get polished, and turned out good.

This time I promise, neither I will stop anything coming towards me, nor myself stepping ahead towards you.

I trust that things are neither much nor less and will go ahead….leading…following…catching up….coz the person “U” is much ahead of me na…

Realm of dream....

Day I was lying, closed eyes, don’t know why & how dreamt of something huge, continuous, shuffling images. It was like a huge surrounding wall type cage, made up of some lustrous bluish liquid crystal structure.

Not water, not solid, it was constantly moving within, though I was unable to touch, I just could feel. The thing meandering around was palpable.

It was like I was caged in between something, endlessly high …

I kept looking at the top, trying to find something above, no success though…

Tardily some music got holds of my ears…don’t know what and from where it was coming. It was engulfed with sweetness, serenity and love…

Melody entered my veins, carried with blood, light as feather, made me glide with it.

After that moment I was out, out of that cage, free, somewhere in open. The sight in front of me are trees - huge, fluffed, thousands of branches, the light blue sky, a very sound breeze, slightly shivering…

The sun is not hot yet. Sweet vapors rising from the earth. Night dew clings to the soil and making plants glisten. Birds calling to one another and bees are already at work.

I could hear the sounds that I wouldn’t be able to at any other time, sound of breeze, chirp, leaves whispering to others, nature communicating, birds flapping their wings…

It was so audible, I stood dumbfounded.

The vision seemed the rays making its way out through the dense trees. The soothing rays emerging out of sun adding the tint of beauty shade to the view. This for sure wasn’t heaven but totally composed of peace and love, sucking all the agitation out of this sadistic world.

A perfect tranquilizer giving slumber to the loath within,

There was love everywhere,

I wish I could witness it longer; the same time I was startled by the shriek,

“Wake up, it’s so late, you lazy bum”..!!

Though it was all in my mind but still so embossed and feeding the peace and calm whenever I surf through it.

What a GAME......

One might wonder why I’ve chosen such a strange topic to start off with. As most of my friends would say I’m damn crazy about football. You could spot me watching some match or the other day in and day out or playing FIFA. So what is it that makes football so fascinating or what it is that has made me fall in love with this sport (should have fallen in love with a girl at this age :P).

It all started when I was eleven (am not a prodigy to start playing at that tender age), just flipping the channels on my idiot box when I stopped on ESPN. Hey this is something new, two teams fighting for a ball!? Goodness gracious me, Why can’t each one be given a ball and allowed to play (remember I was eleven……).

That’s when I asked my dad what game this is. He said “Son, this is football”.
I wondered why on earth is one player allowed to use his hands while others abide by the rules and play with their legs! What a bloody game, harsh tackles, referee flaying cards of different colors (sport or war!). But something told me this would go a long way in bringing out a hidden talent in me. That’s when I started watching English Premier League (EPL), now called Barclays Premier League and any guesses about my favourite  team?

Nine out of ten would support the mighty red devils, Manchester United!!!~~

MEET....since a long

Late morning I was lying on bed with a book in my hands, reading a fiction fantasy and doing message chat side by.

The book was at some climax in middle and I loathed the msg tone disturbing me at that time. I turned my cell phone to silent and put my whole concentration in the pages.

I was so engrossed in the novel that I dint notice the cell phone ringing. The cell rang again and as it was on silent it vibrated.  The vibration caught my attention and I checked the number on the mobile screen. It was not a known number.

"Hello"

"Hello, am I talking to Anurag?"

"Yeah, who is this", I asked.  I felt I knew that voice, but could not identify. Then suddenly an image of a school friend flashed in my mind. Yes, I knew, it was him.

“Hi Rahul how are you,” I asked and surprised him.

Rahul and I studied together eight years ago and since then had been out of touch.

The conversation started with formal questions about life after school, academics, future plans and (being guys, obviously) about chicks.

Before long, the conversation shifted to sharing memories of those days. The conversation geared up and made the environment tangibly nostalgic. Tardily we went into the past and time ran with the velocity of light. The moment got pregnant with elation mixed with exhilaration and excitement. We ended up fixing a meet the same evening.

The life which seems slow like every hour passing slowly and making it to days then weeks and then months to years, indeed moves at such a pace and makes it difficult for you to cope up.

Time passes by in years and you won’t even get apprised. At some pedestal of life you will find yourself pondering down the years and find how much you have missed and came across in spite of all the success you have cherished.

Usually the time and distance come into play and grow between relationships making them apart or losing them behind. We keep up with the pace of other worldly things and we get ahead of many other things and relationships are among them.

But such moments strike and the thing that you know a person or had known he/she some time back dispels the mist of time and distance.

In the crowd the feel of knowing a person at times is enough to make you trust that person. Aftermath it doesn’t really matter whether you were close to each other in past or opposites, you played together or just had few handshakes and you stood with them or against. The only thing matters are that you knew the person at some stage of your life. The goods or bad of that person goes into obscurity and the only thing filters out is the comfort.

This incident made me wonder a million dollar question, “Are we really busy in our lives or it is just one of the oldest and lamest excuse which we use so often as a solution.”

Few days later I got lucky and met the person apart relatives, I got acquainted with after appearing on this land. I hardly could spell advertisement and we became friends.

They became non existent for few years and now I feel no shame in keeping my head down and apologising for being such away and missing the love they have for me.

I learnt something.

Life isn’t only about love and relationships instead unlike fairy tales it is more about practicality which has got both the ends and shades in between.

Nostalgic Drops...

Summer noon, blistering heat,

tortuous sun hurting eyes, scorching skin

shirt wet with sweat, tongue dry as leather

I walked dragging feet on melting road,

drained, exhausted, near swooning

There came a furious duststorm

gusts of muddy air with litter swirling

bent trees and halted vehicles

sent birds and dogs scurrying for cover

suddenly clouds gathered, then deepened

the dust was gone, cool breeze soothed the skin

it turned near dark, then drops began to fall

few and soft at first, vanishing in the dust

then it drizzled, raising dry mud's special scent

washing air, bathing trees and buildings

briefly birds and dogs had their fun

I too intended to be drenched.

Then it poured, and poured still more

heavy drops, denser than any army could descend

hissing and roaring, their fury unstoppable

making streams of roads, water gushing everywhere.

fully drenched and near shivering, I hid

beneath a shed when hail began to hit

From safe position I watched marbles of ice

gather in white sheets over pavement

and remembered the blazing sun of short while ago.

This thing I have never understood

Why with the rain her presence comes

Back to childhood I go, in the park that day

We were on a swing, me sitting, she standing astride

pushing the swing and shrieks to go higher

her skirt weaving wondrous magic around my face

while it drizzled.

Started to walk,
With no baulk
Destined nowhere, kept heading.
Music in ears, eyes straight ahead,
Striding miles, in thoughts
Bearing silence with compliance…

Dawdling streets, with thumping beats. Heading nowhere, lost in nothing but something.

Started to amble with dusk, alone, aloof, strode through blocks.
Was I calm or frustrated, or filled with wrath or loath?

I was silent, calm, covering distance with no objective or goal. Carrying the storm of thoughts inside, circling around, making my senses numb, I was walking by...

As if was having a stroll with the thoughts, keeping the pace with them, understanding, storming with them and witnessing the visions outside.

The warmth and light subdued by the shade, clouds cheerfully welcoming up in the sky.

I came across through fragranced parks, captivating beauty of paths around, trees covered with freshly blossomed flowers.
A fading background by lightning and few added droplets adorned the picturesque.

Everything seems like retreating after the days work back to rest.

Being numb I enjoyed the scuffle within and outside…

Within the city,
Guess it’s the journey between ILLUSION and REALITY.

Glimpse.....

Amid the crowd, I was aloof,

As I m standing on a lone roof.

Things surrounding were moving at pace,

Like running a race.

It was like a closed space,

Like an unarranged phrase,

And there was I trying to chase.

All of a sudden, I knew the grass with dew on it.

The breeze silently hushd the trees around.

Sun above horizon, threw the rays gently onto the dew, making them glaze.

The beats, chirping and rustlings around blend itself into a sweet melody.

The blindfolding sun-light turned so mild, genial and soothing to gaze into.

I knew standing somewhere near she was. The fragrance, presence, it was so palpable.

The thumping beatings of heart, like uproar.

I was dumbfound, stupefied by the charisma,

There she was, in front of my eyes, passing by.

Wishing the time continuum to pause,

And I knew I witnessed her, I got just the

“GLIMPSE of her FEET”

What Truly Matters.

Remember what truly matters in life

is not Wealth, Success, Power, Fame or Glory.

What matters most are qualities of the heart

such as Love, Kindness and Wisdom.

Remember, when you die you won’t be asking questions like

“How much money is in my bank?”

“How many deals have I clinched?”

“How many people have I outwitted?”

Instead you might be asking simple questions like

“Did I live well?”

“Did I love well?”

“Did I learn to let go?”

If you love with your whole heart,

if you are kind to your fellow beings,

and if you are learning and becoming wiser each passing day,

then your life is truly meaningful and worthwhile.

And when the time comes for you to leave this world,

you will be happy that you have lived a life

that is noble and true.

WHY....I write?

People out there say :

The pen is the tongue of the mind. - Miguel Cervantes

Writers seldom write the things they think. They simply write the things they think other folks think they think. - Elbert Hubbard

It is the pen which dreams. The blank page gives the right to dream. - Miguel Cervantes

But I say “I write entirely to find out what I'm thinking, what I'm looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear.”

I was in a habit of writing daily journals since grade XI. Though not so continuous, with so many breaks, I kept on trying …
Besides these journals, I even tried my hands on some ideas, articles…even wrote about few persons I met, and found worth writing …
Found it loving to spend time on thinking, feeling, visualizing and then trying, playing, sketching words on a piece of paper.
Though not being very good, no guidance, lately I gave a serious thought to it and decided to write anything vague I come across my mind.
Just like a painter sketching, with curves, shades, colors, evincing the images around the mind. Making the virtual visuals real and captivating for the ones not having the “EYE” and “ENVISAGE” as of a painter.

I decided to write whatever comes across my mind, a topic, scene, emotion, situation or whatever.
I started the fall in love with the words, thoughts, expressions. Giving a meaning, making them readable, understandable, or just spending time. It was something making me forget things around and make my fingers to match the waves going on in my mind.

So,
Writing is what? It is your favorite time pass, favorite hobby, creative thinking, and some hard work which u need to do.
It is not a bad idea to get in the habit of writing down one's thoughts. It saves one having to bother anyone else with them.
Writing, I explained, was mainly an attempt to out-argue one's past; to present events in such a light that battles lost in life were either won on paper or held to a draw.

Or,
In the end its just some words forming sentences and thus a prose, which is just readable and probably understandable with some sense in it, or just a thing one has spent time on.

“I write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection.”

to make U smile...

The light seems to have faded away
the path having lost out
the heart is full of pain
and the mind is full of doubt

Lord you care so much, For the tears of a hurting child, Who has felt the grief of tragedy, Now no longer wears a smile....plzz put that smile back....

trust the law of d nature
after every dusk there is a dawn

the whole world is for you to make
you will get whatever you want to take
you catch it, it will be caught
you leave it, it will be lost"

Lean on your friends for strength, and always remember how much you are cared about.
May the love of those around you... help you through the days ahead.


last nyt made me add:

the more i refrain,
more i tempt.

more I think,
more i care.

new persona has evoked,
now past need to b soaked.

for us:

U still d same funny, astute, caring, sanguine, as well sagacious..
with few more evolved qualities....
come out n see
the waitin crowd
and the welcome...

U r capable,
U r tough,
U rn't lost..
just believe n urself,
n ll sail through storms....

sketching .."an eve"

It was eve, sitting on a bench in a park.
Sun at zenith shining as a roar of a Lion.
Rays not letting my eyes open, warmth dominating the chill of winters,
It was peace, silence.
Eyes took a stroll around, covering 360.
Birds, people, children, trees, shrubs, clouds, there was so much around.

Old men gathered discussing politics, families or playing cards. Ladies dawdling doing Yoga. Families doing lunch or a noon out. Corners, under trees and at distances, benches were there. Most of them were occupied by the couples or say a pair of guy – gal, mumbling eye to eye, evincing love or just friends.
Muttering children all around, playing, laughing, enjoying.
Their expressions and gestures evincing and spreading charm around, making u smile by just looking at them.

Trees and shrubs around, well maintained. Shrubs nicely trimmed in a pattern, Trees small and big, providing nesting for living, blossoming flower buds, roses, lily’s, bougainvillea etc. Evoking a tint of green and nature. Birds chirping, flying over heads in flocks, forming patterns. Fast, well coordinated and in rhythm.

The far away honking of horns, vehicles moving, passing by metro rail and all the other sounds of nature, some heard and some not, enchanting the sweet silence, giving a soothing pleasure to ears and mind.
A blend of these entire natural and man made things, beautifying the beguile of nature itself, making it uber serene and tranquilizing.
Every and the other thing was like- has come under the warmth of sun, enjoying it as in a lap of mother.

Amid this ecstatic, captivating scene, I was there sitting aloof, strained, striving with the state of mind, totally blank and witnessing all this beauty which I have came across many a times but never has admired, today has astonished me.

Stunned I didn’t even notice the things moving ahead. People started to pack up, flyers getting back to their nests, silent breeze but chilling overpowering the warmth, turning orange the sun. It was all like a day’s play approaching to its end, dimming lights, fading music, characters as well as audience retreating, leaving only a single difference that here

“there is no admiration with an applause”.